What, is it so hard to understand that sometimes I want to lock myself up in my room, and cry while listening to One Direction?

“Dear Diary,
This day did not start well. First Damon gave me a nightmare, in which Elena died. It’s not so much that I care for Elena, it’s just that I have to be with someone that looks exactly like Nina Dobrev. So, Elena should have the decency to postpone her death, until I can date one of her future doppelganger descendants.

There was also this special thing, the annual Founder’s park dance, and Elena literally forced me to go there. What, is it so hard to understand that sometimes I want to lock myself up in my room, and cry while listening to One Direction? I mean, I’ve had a very traumatizing life, you know.
What about those people whose head I ripped off? Isn’t that a little more traumatizing for their families?
Oh my God!!! So not the point! We’re talking about me, here!

Now, I have to say, Elena looked dashing. Of course, I don’t expect anything less from my living, breathing trophy.
I danced with Caroline. She’s a good dancer, I have to admit it. I always say I don’t dance, but that’s really because I don’t want to make anyone else feel less confident about themselves. I know, I’m such a good person!

Good news, Elena finally realizes what an awful being Damon is. Bad news, when I told her I would take care of it, she was suddenly all over me with her questions, and how she doesn’t know anything about me.
And I’m like, geez, take a hint. Me no talky about me past.

Best news, I tricked Damon into drinking vervain. Now, he’s locked up in our cellar, and I’m going to keep him there until he’s basically dead.
Mwuahaha, I’m such a badass!

Xoxo, Steffie”

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‘Elena Gilbert, property of Stefan Salvatore’

‘Dear Diary, 

I did something very selfless today. I lend Elena one of my books, Wuthering Heights. I actually didn’t want to, because you know, it’s MINE, but I couldn’t give her Gone with the Wind. It’s Damon’s and if he found out I gave his book away, he’d do something very evil, like…shaving my head. Elena said she would give it back, and I was like, ‘Yeah, you better bitch, or else I’ll do something, like, ….whine and complain, and make you feel very guilty, because you WRONGED me!’ 

I totally freaked out, when I heard Matt talk to Elena about Vicky. Vicky remembered being attacked by a vampire! So I had to go to the hospital and fix that. So I went there and I said: ‘Okay, listen up, bitch. Last night, a chincilla attacked you, got it?’ 

Elena went by, and she talked to Damon! That pissed me off badly! She didn’t even call first, she just barged in! So rude! And Damon said I wasn’t always so HOT. Yeah, well, the only time he looked better than me, was when we were babies and that doesn’t count. He’s just jealous, because he’s not as cool as I am. 
Maybe I should go to a pet store, and buy a leash. Then I’ll tie it around Elena’s neck, and each time she’s getting too close to Damon, I’ll push that button that curtails the leash. I might also get her a tag, saying ‘Elena Gilbert, property of Stefan Salvatore’ 

I ran into Matt this evening. He asked me what I was doing in the hospital and I was like ‘Territorial, much? What, do you own the place or something? You wanna fight? Come on, let’s fight. NO! I was kidding! Not the face!’ 
He also said he was looking out for Elena, and I said ‘Geez, keep your claws in’ I wanted to scratch him, but I just had my nails done, so that wasn’t an option. 

Fortunately, I got out without a scratch. 

Later, Elena came back to my house, and she said she was scared. Good. The more scared she is, the better I can control her. She said she was scared to be happy again, but she doesn’t have to worry, because I’m not trying to make her happy. What matters is how I feel, and having her as my little, obedient, insecure bitch, makes me feel very awesome 🙂 #irocksohard 

I also kissed her. Highfive to myself…AHH! Crap, that hurt! 

Gotta go put some ice on that…. 

xoxo, Steffie’ Imageva

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It’s hard to be Stefan Salvatore…

‘Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of school. And guess what? I ran into Elena. I saw her coming out of the men’s room, and I was like ‘Oh my God, you little slut. You can’t just be in there and bang someone. Not if that someone isn’t me’

Later I saw her in the cemetery, and the stupid bitch just had to trip and fall. She even showed me her leg, with all the blood. It was disgusting. *shiver*

But the good thing is, she dropped her diary! If I read it? Who do you take me for? Of course I read it! But it wasn’t quite a bestseller. I mean, as if I give a flying fuck about how Elena feels about her parents’ death. It’s like Tanner said in History, it’s 4 months ago. Get over it, you know. Besides, it’s not like they were her real parents.

xoxo, Steffie’

Couple of hours later:

‘Dear Diary,

*sob* Damon’s back in Mystic Falls, and he attacked me. First emotionally, he made fun of my grunge look from the nineties. That was a very hurtful thing to say of him. And then he fought with me, and my back hurts and my hands, and my clothes are dirty. *sob*

You know what? I’m going to that school party, where Elena will be, too =D And Damon is not invited. I will tell Uncle Zach what he did, and then he’ll be grounded >:)

xoxo, Steffie’

Hours later:

‘Dear Diary,

So the party was okay. First I had to ditch Caroline. She was, like, totally clinging on me. And I said, ‘Sorry, Caroline, but you and I ain’t gonna work. You can share my opinions, you can share my hatred for Damon, and my preference for Stelena, but you’re not gonna share my bed O_O

I know, I know, I was a little harsh. But…I have to be straight with these girls, otherwise they would all be jumping my bones, which is very understable, of course! I mean, I have PERFECT hair, a PERFECT face, and a PERFECTLY hidden second identity. I’m like the perfect boyfriend.

Okay, I really have to go now and do my beauty sleep 🙂

xoxo, Steffie’

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